


Leave Me

by Leloi



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Dildo/Vibrator Humor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Genderbending, Jealous Sherlock, John is Joan, Loss of Virginity, Pre-Reichenbach, Virgin Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 02:05:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You look like you’re looking for sex…”  Sherlock stated, addressing her empty chair across from him.</p><p>“Maybe because I am?”  Joan responded.  “Don’t you have plans for tonight?”</p><p>Sherlock gave her a dirty look she could see from the mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Years! New episode of Sherlock tonight!
> 
> I've been working on this one for a few days. It takes place between Hounds and Reichenbach.
> 
> Not Elementary-verse... Genderbending. A little humor at the beginning and then it gets a little dark.

“You’re going out like that.” Sherlock spoke without even bothering to turn around. 

Joan Watson groaned and looked down at herself. True, it was a short skirt but there were leggings underneath. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” The blond former military doctor demanded.

Sherlock finally glanced back at her, his eyes sweeping over her from top of the head, to her toes and back up again before he resumed his previous orientation.

Suddenly Joan felt almost naked, which was ridiculous considering she was fully covered. “Yeah? Well… Screw you, you impossible git!” Moving to look at herself in the mirror she ran her fingers through her still military short hair. It was growing but wasn’t yet to her shoulders. It made her feel like a boy. “Not everyone can pull of designer suits.” Sliding her hands down her chest she cupped her breasts and adjusted them in her bra and then her blouse over the top.

“You look like you’re looking for sex…” Sherlock stated, addressing her empty chair across from him.

“Maybe because I am?” Joan responded. “Don’t you have plans for tonight?”

Sherlock gave her a dirty look she could see from the mirror. 

Turning to face him, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Look… I haven’t had a date since before I was deployed. A girl has needs.” At that moment the bell rang from downstairs. “That’s him.” Quickly she approached the detective and leaned down to give his cheek a chaste kiss. “Don’t wait up for me.” With a smile and a wink she went to the door, knowing Sherlock would know who her date was by his footsteps. There was no point in hiding anything from him. Opening the door she smiled at the man who had his hand raised to knock. “Hi, Greg!” On tip toes she kissed the DI’s cheek. 

Lestrade looked into the flat, meeting Sherlock’s deadly gaze. “Sherlock…” The greeting was clipped.

Joan rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand to pull him out of the flat. “Come along…”

Instantly Sherlock was on his feet and in the doorway, following the couple with his eyes, giving them both an angry look.

Joan paused on her way down the stairs. “Look… I’ll bring him back in one piece, I promise. You’ll have your cases.”

“He’s separated from his wife.” Sherlock growled.

“I know.” Joan answered. “You do know what separated means, right?”

“You can’t…” Sherlock began.

“I most certainly CAN!” Joan shot back and continued down the stairs.

“Fine… If that’s what you require then use me.”

“I’m not using anyone.” Joan answered. “Greg and I are two consenting adults who happen to be attracted to each other.” And with that she left with Greg following behind her. 

They didn’t have sex that night… Although they did spend a little time groping until Greg pulled away. “Oh God he’s going to kill me…”

“Who?” Joan panted.

“Sherlock.” Greg answered.

“Why would he kill you? He has no interest in me.” 

Greg blinked at her and shook his head. “That’s not what I saw.”

Joan shrugged. “What does it matter? He wouldn’t know what to do with me. Irene was naked in front of him and he barely blinked.”

“Yeah… But he barely knew her.” Greg answered.

“And we share a loo.” Joan continued on. “He’s walked in on me several times while I was using the toilet or the shower… He doesn’t care. It doesn’t even phase him.”

“Seems rather odd… For a man to enter the loo when the door is closed.”

“That’s just him… No boundaries.” Joan chuckled and shook her head. “He would use my toothbrush if he could.”

Greg chuckled and leaned in to give Joan a chaste kiss. “I think you’re fantastic, Joan. Great personality, hot body, intelligent, strong… A great friend. But I think you should look into Sherlock a little more. He was clearly upset tonight at the idea of you going out with me.”

“Yeah… Because it meant I wasn’t going to be bored at home with him…” Joan snickered.

But Joan did go home. It was shortly past midnight when she entered 221 Baker Street and made her way up to her room. Closing the door behind her she reached into her drawer of knickers to pull out her vibrator. At least she could get some relief tonight… Only halfway through undressing the light turned on and she blinked at the man who lay on her bed with his hand on the light switch of her bedside lamp. Joan stood like a deer in headlights. Her skirt, leggings and panties were halfway to the floor and she held a large purple vibrating dildo in her left hand.

Sherlock’s eyes took in every detail including the large battery operated silicon phallus before focusing on Joan’s face. “You didn’t shag him.”

“No.” Joan answered and stood up, allowing her lower garments to pool around her ankles. “Do you often come in my room when I’m not here?”

Sherlock’s eyes focused once again on the toy. “Does that… Really fit?”

Joan looked at the toy in her hand, her thumb pressing the button to make it hum. “You know babies come out of that particular orifice, right? They are a lot bigger than this.”

“Can I see it?” Sherlock held out his hand.

Clicking off the button she set the now silent toy in his hand.

Sherlock pulled it closer, examining the ridges and bumps. “This is not what a human penis looks like…”

“You’re right… Nothing actually looks like that. But those bumps are supposed to help with stimulation.” 

The detective brought the toy close to his face and then licked the tip. 

Joan cringed, watching Sherlock Holmes check out her toy, knowing she would never be able to use it again without remembering him exploring it. “I wash it after I use it.”

Sherlock nodded and picked a hair from the silicon shaft, flicking it away. His finger pressed the button and it hummed in his hand. A small smile graced his lips as he curled his fingers around it. His eyes flashed on her, full of amusement. 

“Alright, yes… You’ve played with my vibrator. Now give it back.” Holding out her hand, she waited for him to return it but he pulled it away shoved it down the front of his trousers.

Joan gaped at him. Through the fabric she could hear the soft buzz.

“Make me.”

“What? Are you two?” Joan rubbed her face with the back of her hand.

Sherlock rested his hand on his crotch, pushing the toy against himself. A complicated look crossed his face and he blinked a few times, mouth open.

Joan sighed and sat on the bed near his knees, unbuttoning her blouse and discarding it along with her bra. Finally she looked at her flat mate. 

Sherlock was whimpering and wiggling, not expecting what the vibration would do to him. It seemed he torn between keeping it in place and pulling it out. When he saw Joan look at him he stopped wiggling and stared back at her.

“Do you want me to take it away?”

Mutely Sherlock nodded and rested his hands at his sides.

Joan leaned down and undid the button and the zip to Sherlock’s trousers. Her fingers hooked on both the trousers and the pants, sliding them down the detective’s hips, revealing an erect rosy penis nestled against her purple silicon toy. He wasn’t as long as she imagined, but he was thicker. With a smile she pulled the vibrator away and turned it off before tossing it on the floor. Neither of them said anything but Sherlock’s eyes were expressive. There was fear there along with hunger and want. Joan smiled again in what she hoped was reassurance. Carefully she crawled up the bed to lay beside him, her head on his shoulder, her thigh covering his hips. “What is it you hoped to accomplish by taking my vibrator and stuffing it in your pants?”

“I… I don’t… I didn’t really think about it…” Sherlock managed as her warm thigh pressed against his groin. 

“Have you ever…?” She let the question hang, knowing what Mycroft had implied with the Adler case.

Sherlock blinked and looked away from her to stare down at his body.

“Do you want to?” Joan whispered.

Sherlock turned his attention back to her. “What do I do?”

“You can start by getting undressed.” Joan answered as she pulled away. 

Sherlock unbuttoned his shirt, his hands trembling as he fumbled with the buttons.

Joan lightly touched one of his hands. “Are you scared?”

“No!” Sherlock snapped, defiantly. “Why would I be scared?”

“You’re trembling.” 

Sherlock stilled his hands and took several deep breaths to regain his focus. “Maybe a little nervous. I’m probably not very good…” And with that he tossed his shirt away and continued with his trousers, pants, and socks. When he was sufficiently naked he turned his attention to Joan. “Now what?”

Joan smiled at him and lightly kissed his cheek and then his lips. An arm wrapped around his torso so she could press against him. “Lay down.”

“Shouldn’t I be on top?”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

Obediently Sherlock lay on his back with his hands at his side and Joan swung a leg over to straddle his hips. Sherlock raised his head to look down at where she sat, his cock peeking out from under her, covered in her warm heat.

Joan moved her hips a little as she smiled down at him. “Does it feel good?”

“You’re warm and… Wet?”

“Mm… Very wet.” Joan lifted up a little and pushed him down into place before sitting down again with him inside. “How about that?”

Sherlock’s eyes went wide as he looked down at where he disappeared into her body. This is what motivated murder and revenge and cheating… This sensation of being wrapped up inside another person. The revelation was huge but the sensation rendered him less than eloquent. “Oh.”

Joan giggled and moved, rubbing herself shamelessly against him as she rocked. “Yes… Oh.” A few more strokes and she rolled off to lay on her back. “Your turn to be on top.”

Sherlock moved quickly. The loss of warmth and sensation was horrible. He needed to put them back together again. Between her legs he carelessly fumbled until he found the proper place to push in and then he let instinct guide him in his movements. Joan helped, of course. Her arms and legs guided him with the rhythm. Too soon he was close to finishing. 

“That’s it…” Joan whispered as she moved beneath him, knowing he couldn’t last very long. But just the idea of it being Sherlock above her helped. Even when Sherlock cried out and collapsed atop her she kept moving until she felt her own strong pulse. They lay together for a long time as she listened to Sherlock resume normal breathing. With a shift of weight his now flaccid cock slipped out. Lightly she touched his side and guided him back down to the bed beside her. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

Sherlock propped himself up on one elbow and watched her reach for the door. “Where are you going?”

“To get something to clean us up.” She left Sherlock glanced down at himself as she slipped away to the bathroom for her post coital pee. Carefully she wiped away the remnants of his semen, cursing the fact that she didn’t have him use a condom. True, she was taking the pill but who knew what his drug habit past got him. Quickly she wet a flannel with hot water and returned to the bedroom. 

Sherlock looked up from where he was touching himself as if trying to understand the stickiness she had left behind on him.

Joan wiped him off before tossing the flannel away and climbing back into bed with him. “I didn’t ask about your past drug history… I should have.”

The detective shook his head. “I always used clean needles. I’ve also had my blood tested since then.” Reaching out he turned off the light and settled into the bed beside her. “You didn’t think I would put you at risk, did you?”

“I just didn’t think to ask.” Joan answered, making sure they were covered with the blankets. “It’s good to ask any partner.”

“And I know you’re on birth control. I’ve seen your pills… Although I don’t know why if you said you haven’t been with anyone since you were deployed.”

“It keeps me regular… And I used to have really bad menstrual cramps and heavy bleeding.”

“Oh…”

Joan wrapped an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. “Did you like it?”

His arm lightly touched her back as his fingers traced her spine. “It wasn’t what I expected it to be…”

“In what way?” 

“I think I liked it.” 

Joan smiled and curled up against him.

The next morning Joan woke to find Sherlock staring at her in the dim light of early dawn. “Morning.” Joan yawned. “You stayed all night?”

Mutely Sherlock smiled and traced her cheek with his fingertip.

Joan nuzzled against his side, her hand sliding down to his thigh and encountering his morning erection on the way. Cupping his bollocks in her hand she gave them a soft squeeze. 

“I have been thinking about what we did last night…” Sherlock stated with a soft hiss from her squeeze.

“Oh?” Joan released his bollocks to tease his shaft instead.

“I was thinking… We might be able to do this… More.”

Releasing him she looked up into his pale blue eyes. “You want a sexual relationship with me?”

“You said… You have needs. And it seems I have them too. To be fair I didn’t even know I had them.”

“What sort of needs do you have, Sherlock?” Joan asked as she raised an eyebrow and slid down his body to nibble at the shaft she was holding.

“Sexual… I think… Yes… Sexual…” Sherlock grunted, opening his legs wider to allow her room to work. 

“Sexual? How about physical?” Joan licked his tip.

“Such as?” Sherlock blinked down at her, perplexed.

“Kissing and hugging… Touching. Cuddling. Sleeping in the same bed.” She followed her example with a swallow of his prick down to the base.

“Ok… Yes… It helped me sleep…”

Joan pulled off his penis and smiled up at him. “So sexual and physical? What about emotional?”

Sherlock blinked a few times. “Joan.” Reaching down he cupped her cheek in his hand. 

The look in his eyes made her look away as tears unexpectedly formed in her eyes. Hastily she wiped them away and climbed up his body to kiss his lips before resting her cheek on his sternum.

Sherlock wrapped an arm around her head to keep her there, his fingers carding through her hair. “When you went out with Lestrade last night… I felt… Like both of you betrayed me. I was so angry and… And hurt. How could you go to him when I… You have me.”

“I don’t have you. I’ve never had you. You’re married to your work, remember?”

Sherlock’s other arm wrapped around her back to hold her close. “You are my work.” Kissing the top of her head he resumed caressing her. “Joan… If something should happen to me…”

“Stop it!” Joan hissed and tried to pull away. But his grip was firm.

“Listen… If something should happen to me… Go to Mycroft.”

“Why?” 

“Because you’re in my will.”

“No… Sherlock…” Joan again tried to pull away but he had her. “I don’t want to be in your will.”

“It’s too late for that. You’ve been in there for about a year now. I just never got around to telling you.”

“And so now because I’ve slept with you, you tell me?”

Sherlock finally released Joan and allowed her to sit up. “That’s not why I told you.”

“Then why?” Joan demanded.

“I don’t know how much time we have left.”

Joan frowned and shook her head. “What are you talking about?” But there was something like fear and pain in Sherlock’s eyes. She had seen it the night before and assumed it was because he was about to lose his virginity. “Sherlock…” Holding his face in her hands she kissed his lips. When his hands touched her she could feel his trembling. “You’re scared! Like… Dartmoor.”

Sherlock closed his eyes and took a deep breath, allowing her to kiss him and hold him. Really he was terrified. “Just promise me, Joan. Go to Mycroft… He’ll take care of you.”

Joan nodded and petted his hair until he opened his red rimmed eyes to look at her. “Ok… I will.” Leaning in again she kissed his lips. “Until then let me take care of you. Feed you.” Softly she chuckled, remembering Sherlock’s comment about girlfriends when they first met. Wrapping her arms around him, she held him close, feeling him sob against her shoulder. “I’ve got you, Sherlock. I love you and I’m never going to let you go…”

That just made Sherlock break a little more as he wrapped himself around Joan. Closing his eyes he took in her scent and the warmth of her skin against his. Right now this was the only reality they had.

“What do you know that I don’t?” Joan whispered. Sitting up a bit she looked at him. “Moriarty?”

Sherlock looked away. “Just… Let me have this… For now… With you. Don’t question it, please Joan? I need you to go along as if nothing has changed.”

“Nothing has changed? So I don’t get to act like your girlfriend in public?”

Sherlock blushed and shyly kept his eyes away. “You can… I don’t see why you would want to. The others will mock you for being with me.”

“I don’t care who knows.” Joan reached out to trace one of his cheekbones with her fingertip. “I’m a big girl and can decide for myself who I get to be with.” Lightly she kissed his forehead. “I’m here for you, Sherlock. I will always be there for you… I’m yours.” Reaching back she took his hands and placed them on her hips. Lightly she kissed his lips, growing bolder with each moment he allowed her until he was hard beneath her. 

His hands tightened on her waist as he pulled away to blink at her. His pupils were wide. “You are the only one who will ever see me like this.”

“What? Breathless and horny?” Joan chuckled.

Sherlock giggled softly, resting his head against her shoulder. 

Joan shifted to push him down into place before sitting down again and feeling him slide into her. 

The detective held his breath, savoring the sensations as he nuzzled against her neck, making whimpering noises.

It surprised Joan, seeing how quiet and pliant Sherlock was in bed… Always she had imagined he would be a demanding and rough lover who knew exactly what he wanted. Of course… Until last night Sherlock had been a virgin. It was hard to imagine 35 years with only a hand to wank with. Quickly she shifted their position so he was on top, her hands on his arse to help guide him. “That’s it… Don’t forget to breathe.” 

Sherlock let out the breath he had been holding with a small cry as he bucked against her like a wild animal in a heated rut. Resting his face against her shoulder he climaxed and it immediately drained him.

Joan wiggled a bit beneath him until she too began to throb. Two orgasms… Of course it could be the novelty of being with Sherlock. He was like a wild thing that hadn’t yet been tamed moving purely on instinct. It thrilled her to experience him in that way. Idly she wrapped her legs around him to hold him in place as she kissed his cheek. 

Sherlock slid off of her to lay beside her. His lips lightly kissed her forehead and then he nuzzled against her chest. “I don’t want him to hurt you…”

“Who?”

Sherlock shook his head and wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer. “Just… Stay with me… For now. I won’t let him touch you.”

“Sherlock… You’re worrying me.”

“I need you to remember this… Can you? Remember this and go to Mycroft. He’ll take care of you.”

Something cold passed through Joan’s soul, hearing his words. “You think… You’re going to die.”

Sherlock shut his eyes and clung to her desperately. 

Helplessly she carded her fingers through his curls. Tears began to burn in the corners of her eyes and she rapidly blinked them away as she held him. “You’re… Going to leave me.”

Sherlock’s arms tightened on her but he didn’t say anything to confirm or deny. His silence was the most telling of all.

\--Finis


End file.
